Twas the night before Game Seven, when all through Home Ice
Not an announcer was stirring, or offering advice
The microphones were hung in the studio with care
In hopes that Eric Gage would take to the air.

The listeners were nestled all sung in their beds
While visions of Cup celebrations danced in their heads
And Blakeley in his news booth, preparing his cast
Looking up all the stories and stats from the past.

When up in CR2 there arose such a clatter
Pogi had called to indulge in some chatter
The lines were all jammed with callers galore
Each one proclaiming the game’s final score.

The fans of the Red Wings convinced they’ve been wronged
Let down by the league and the refs for a song
The fans of the Penguins were sure it was they
Who were being shafted at the end of the day.

What’s up with this Sidney the Wings fans cry out
Why he’s no more than a wee wittle lout
Pens fans reply it’s not us that do cheat
Your boards are quite bouncy, to aid your repeat.

And your eight-legged friends that you toss with delight
Were funny back when Jack Benny ruled the night
Your goalie is holey your Mule quite the fool
It’s you who tomorrow will be taken to school.

Not so, cried the denizens of Hockeytown
For what is a Penguin but a tuxedoed clown
A bird that can’t fly, like a song that can’t sing
Thus it will be us with the Stanley Cup ring.

Enough, cried out Trigger as he hung up the phones
There’s too much noise and I vant to be alone
Time for a replay or NHL Live
Let’s hear how the Ranger fan somehow survives.

Then Rossy and Espo butted heads on the air
Arguing loudly over what calls were fair
Shalley and Berce compared notes from afar
Though honestly they’d rather be at a bar.

Thistel just whistled as Boomer complained
About this thing and that thing again and again
Scotty was off watching Junior be born
For his Habs all these weeks later Mick still did mourn.

The Voice of The War Room prepared to exclaim
The Red Wings have won the Cup once again
But just to be safe, he also did say
The Penguins went north and stole the Cup away.

On Malkin on Crosby on Jordan, that Staal
On Fleury on Guerin on Bile-el-sa-maa
On Datsyuk on Osgood on Zetter, the Berg
On Holmstrom on Lidstrom to down flightless bird.

Whether Versus or cable or the NBC
Millions of Yankees may not even see
Their TV sets blank with the digital switch
On the night of the big game, ain’t life a bitch?

And up here in Cold Land, aka Balsillie ville
Make It Seven, heck, Make it 500 Mill
The only way Canada can win back the Cup
Is if Jimbo buys all the teams up.

Game Seven is still just a day’s wait away
Soon the puck will drop and the match they will play
But I heard Thistel exclaim as he left with Jeff Leake
Training camps open in just over twelve weeks.

Okay, so the Penguins go home and take Game Three 4-2, which catapults them back into the 2009 Stanley Cup Final.

An interesting game, in large part due to how Pittsburgh did not implode after scoring the game’s first goal, and then watched as Detroit stormed back to grab a 2-1 lead.  The third period, in particular, offered a number of delights to hockey fans.

That’s all good and well, and maybe now we finally have the Stanley Cup Final many of us were anticipating, but the big news of the night, at least in the self-serving department, is that I called the final score, right down to the empty net goal by the Penguins.

Have it on tape too, or is that digital storage?  Earlier today on The War Room, with Dan Blakeley.  We both agreed that Pittsburgh would take Game Three, in a close contest.  Dan went with 3-2 Penguins, in overtime, while I boldly placed my money on 4-2 PIttsburgh, including that empty net goal.

Which is exactly how things turned out.  Which means only one thing.

For the brief period of time that the Hockey Gods are smiling on me, permitting me a tantalizing glimpse into the sunny world of Hockey Nirvana usually out-of-reach to us mere mortals, I am going to ride this baby and milk it for all it’s worth with a few more fearless predictions.  Which means, get out a pencil, or just print up this entire article and keep it.  It’s money in the bank.

Prediction #1 - The Phoenix Coyotes will not be in Phoenix two years from now.  Granted, they could just be on a road trip.

Prediction #2 - Mike Keenan will once again resurface and coach another NHL team.  At this very moment, he’s carefully cutting out the logos of the teams he has yet to mess up, and has assembled them on a dart board in his basement.

Prediction #3 - Mats Sundin will play one more year.  What actual calender year that is, is up for speculation.

Prediction #4 - It will be proven that Jim Balsillie and Gary Bettman are distantly related.

Prediction #5 - Jacques Martin will fall asleep, at least once, during a post-game press conference next season.

Prediction #6 - Brian Burke will try to trade for, purchase, beg for, or outright break in during the night and steal John Tavares during the upcoming NHL Entry Draft.

Prediction #7 - the Tampa Bay Lightning will, somehow, trade Vincent Lecavalier to the Los Angeles Kings for the rights to Gene Carr, and then deny that they did.

Prediction #8 - Bob Gainey will hold a press conference to reveal that he had a deal for Gene Carr, but the Lightning messed it up.

Prediction #9 - having finally released “Neil Young Archives Volume One” after two decades of speculation, Volume Two won’t see the light-of-day until Neil figures out how to include a holographic representation of every gig he’s ever played in the massive 20-pound boxset, which should be around 2030, around the time the San Juan Coyotes, citing attendence problems, threaten to move back to Hamilton, around the same time John Tavares retires from the NHL after 21 years of excellence as a checking centre for the K.C. Islanders, and Mats Sundin announces a one-year comeback with the Maple Leafs.

Prediction #10 - I will never again get another game score prediction bang on.

- Mick “Swami” Kern

Hey Washington Capitals, now that’s how to play a Game Seven.  Take your pick, either Detroit over Anaheim or Carolina over Boston.

And on that note…

For those who care, and for those who pretend to not care, here’s the tally on the 2009 NHL Playoff Predictions by the cast and crew of NHL Home Ice:

1.   Dan Blakeley - 10 correct picks out of 12  (went 8-for-8 in first round)
2.   Joe Thistel - 10 for 12  (went 3-for-4 in second round)
3.  Scott Laughlin - 9 for 12
4.  Mick Kern - 9 for 12  (went 3-for-4 in second round)
5.  Shawn Lavigne - 8 for 12
6.  Peter Berce - 8 for 12
7.  Phil Esposito - 7 for 12
8.  Mike Ross - 7 for 12  (went 1-for-4 in second round)

For the record, Eric Gage went 2-for-4 in the second round, though he did not make any picks for the first round.

- Mick “Pick” Kern (who would like to point out that only he got the correct number of games required to decide the winner in each of the four second-round series.  Save your applause).

p.s. Rossy, did I get the math right this time?