Like most years, I taped the NHL All-Star Competition, and watched it later, when domestic duties allowed.

Like most years, I fastforwarded through most of the dreck that is the on-ice interviews.  Really, what’s the point of most of these over earnest feel-good gabs?  Sure, the guys are having fun.  Great.  I can determine that by watching them on-the-ice.  Nothing like clubbing the viewer over the head.

Props to Elliot Friedman of CBC; when he asks questions, he doesn’t pull against the overall tone of the evening (ie: We’re Having Fun), but he manages to ask one question that is pertinent to the season, and he poses it in such a way that it’s not an intrusion to the overtone tone of the evening (We’re Having Fun).

Maybe the best example of that is how he approached his quick hit with Vincent Lecavalier.  To not ask Lecavalier about the rumours of him going to the Canadiens, while the All-Star Game is in Montreal, would have done a disservice to the hockey fan watching at home.  Even better, Friedman asked him a straight-up question.  He didn’t put Lecavalier in the corner, but neither did he lob him a softball, like most of the “NHL-friendly” TV talking heads would have.

And, in case you missed it, Lecavalier received the loudest, and longest, ovation during the introduction to the Skills Competition.

The one image that will perpetuate itself on the internet, and YouTube, and in the hearts of the biggest NHL PR hacks on all the television networks, will be the one of Alexander Ovechkin being outfitted by Evgeni Malkin with a Tilley hat, and Canadian flag, and grabbing two sticks for one of his turns at the trick shot competition.

Yes, I laughed.  Not one of those “oh my God, what will these crazy hockey guys think of next” laughs.  More of a lighthearted chuckle.  Which is what the Ovechkin-Malkin hijinks was, a lighhearted moment.  Good footage for the highlight shows later.  Maybe Sports Illustrated will pick it up.

But that’s all it was, a small (manufactured) novelty within the heart of a greater novelty.  The aforementioned TV hacks will parade it out like it was the greatest thing since…since…well, since heated blades, but NHL apologists tend to do that with most insignificant trivia.

As a hockey fan, I didn’t completely buy the whole Malkin and Ovechkin make peace spin.  Or at least I don’t want to.  That supposed feud is (was?) one of the more delicious story lines of the current season.  Imagine if the Capitals and Penguins meet in the playoffs?  Imagine if the Penguins pull up their socks.

One of the PR hack myths I can’t stand is the constant hammering by some commentators (including here at NHL Home Ice) that ALL the players are great guys, and ALL the players are just wonderful to be around, and ALL the players are just like kids when they get out on the ice, and ALL the players consider it an honour to be at the All-Star Game, etc…

The staged Malkin-Ovechkin hat trick will only be more fuel for that artificial fire.  Anyone, such as myself, that dares to approach The Event from a different angle will be summarily dismissed.

So, let me repeat this for the record.  The Malkin-Ovechkin hijinks was cute.  A nice moment in an otherwise uneventful event.

Yup, the rest of the skills competition took a lot of skill…to keep watching it.  Don’t get me wrong; back when this was first introduced (1990???), I was a big proponent of the idea.

What a great way to showcase the individual skill of NHL players.  And all in a pre-packaged soundbite/highlight clip manner.

The trouble is, like anything, what was new slowly becomes familiar.  They try to jazz it up every so often, so effort points have to be given out for trying to revive the contest, but when the highlight of the evening was Ovechkin wearing a Tilley hat on a breakaway, well, honestly examine it yourself.

Honestly look at it.  Don’t look at the All-Star Game Competition, and for that matter, the entire All-Star weekend and see it as you wish it to be.  See it how it really is.

No, I am not one of the fans or media in Montreal this weekend.  There’s little doubt being at the epicentre of All-Star events would change my perception of them somewhat. 

But here’s the thing, most of the fans, and sports media, and non-hockey sports fans, also aren’t in Montreal this weekend.  What is presented on the old television screen is the reality that will be remembered.

The YoungStars game was boring, but really, what could one expect?  The actual All-Star game is such a waste of time (which is why I won’t be taping it); removing a couple of players on each side and having a smaller game of shinny is not the recipe for success.

The entire All-Star weekend works best as a hockey convention.  Have the fan zones, have the meeting of the so-called minds, get all the players together in their team uniforms and have a fancy practise.  Why spoil everything with a game?

Unless.

Unless the NHL were to, say, marry up the Outdoor Game with all the fanfest all-star stuff. 

No, I’m not advocating playing the All-Star Game outside.  I’m for putting that lame dog down.  Instead, hold the All-Star festivities around the Outdoor Game.  Keep some semblance of fan voting for the various skills competition, keep the fan fest stuff, have the meeting of the minds…and then, on the Sunday, actually play a real NHL game outdoors.

For example, this weekend, it would have been the Montreal Canadiens against, say, the Boston Bruins.  For two points.  Or maybe three.

Hey, Montreal fans already sent half the team to the event anyhow, so we’re almost set.

By merging the two events, the league could possibly generate more attention for itself, outside of the usual hockey media.  The Outdoor Game, at least right now, is on the radar of the U.S. sports media.  The All-Star game isn’t.  But putting the two together, what’s there to lose?

And Ovechkin could still wear his Silly Tilley hat.

- Mick “Fedora” Kern

Folks, calm down.

Take a deep breath, and look around you.  The world is not falling apart.  Okay, maybe it is financially, which, of course, influences everything we do, but try to forget that apocalypse for the moment.

Focus.

On the fan voting for the upcoming NHL All-Star Game in Montreal.  And take that deep breath again.

Folks, it’s the All-Star Game.  A mid-season exhibition of shinny.  None of it means anything in the long run.  None of it means anything the next morning.  It’s a mid-term schmooze fest for hockey industry types, a chance to take a breather before they go back to beating each other’s brains in.  Probably from behind.

Outside of the programme salespeople, the only ones in the entire building working up a sweat that day will be the goaltenders.  They’re sitting ducks.  They don’t have a prayer.  People pay their money in order to see the NHL gunners fill the net with rubber.  No one really wants to see a goaltender steal the show.  Save that for the real games.  This is the All-Star Game; as close as the NHL will ever get to being the razzle-dazzle, all sizzle NBA.   What’s the over-under on the final total goal count. anyhow?

So does it really matter that some computer-literate fans in Montreal have been stuffing the electronic ballot box?  Sure, it runs counter to the spirit of the entire affair; fans voting for their favourite players, over and and over and over and over again.  Yup, how dare those hackers in Montreal monkey around with true democracy.  Do they think this is the state of Florida?  Hopefully their mom will ground them for at least a week.

If anything, outside of the honour of hanging out with your peers, and the really cool gift bag, it’s understandable if a player logged onto the internet, took a quick survey of the latest all-star voting results, and then proceeded to click onto the name of his nearest rival in the voting…and made sure that it’s that dude who will be going to the All-Star Game, not him.

Hey, who couldn’t use a mid-season break?

In the name of restoring some sanity to the choices for the 2008-09 NHL All-Star Game, I’ve cut through all the hype and hysteria, and come up with the six goaltenders who’ll be making the trip to Montreal.  No need to thank me.  Now you can go back to using the internet for what it was initially intended for, watching people make total fools of themselves on YouTube.

NHL EASTERN ALL-STAR GOALTENDERS:

No controvery here, as there are three men who are heads-and-shoulders above every other netminders in the East.  One of them is now a perennial All-Star, and Vezina contender, the second is a journeyman who’s surprised many by making his mark permanent, and the third is keeping himself afloat on a team that is well below the waterline.

- Henrik Lundqvist - New York Rangers
- Tim Thomas - Boston Bruins
- Mike Smith - Tampa Bay Lightning

Not sure how anyone can argue with these choices.  No doubt many will, but most of those arguments will be tainted by their own prejudices as they shill for their guy.  One would imagine Carey Price will actually be named to the team, as it’s in Montreal, and young Price has shined at times this season, but he has not outplayed any of these three picks.  If one of these gentlemen are injured, then Price’s inclusion could be justified. 

Personally, I think Joey MacDonald of the Islanders should be the fourth choice.  He’s had a fine first two months, considering the team he’s playing on.  Sorry Alex Auld, a fine performance, but not all-star worthy.  Stats are important, but they don’t always paint the whole picture.  This isn’t fantasy hockey, this is the real thing.

NHL WESTERN ALL-STAR GOALTENDERS:

These three gentlemen are obvious choices; there’s no way anyone can construct a rational argument against them.

- Roberto Luongo - Vancouver Canucks
- Niklas Backstrom - Minnesota Wild
- Marty Turco - Dallas Stars

I know what you’re saying, what the heck is Turco doing on this list?  Have you seen this guy play recently?  Yes, indeed I have.  Turco has been a top notch goaltender over the past few seasons, and his fall-from-grace this fall has been stunning.  If anything, he’d be perfect for the All-Star Game, since everyone wants to see goals, goals, and more goals.

Okay, let’s give Marty a well-needed break.  Instead, how about the goaltender not wanted by his own team, the ultimate orphan, Nikolai Khabibulin of the Chicago Blackhawks?  Let’s see, the media darlings of this past off-season, the “Back Hawks”, foolishly throw a load of money at Christobal Huet, only to watch in horror as the incumbent, Khabibulin, plays like it’s 2004.  Now the rumour mill has it that Blackhawk players would mutiny if the suits decide to trade the Bulin Wall.  What is this, Tampa Bay north?

San Jose Sharks and Calgary Flames fans will no doubt lobby for their guy, and for good reasons, but my mind is made up.

And keep this in mind, the only real All-Stars that matter are the guys named to the post-season First and Second All-Star Teams.  Now that’s an accomplishment.

- Mick Kern